i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
