We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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