Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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