I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
