HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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