we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
