his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize