I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
