Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
