I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
