Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
