All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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