If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
