if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
