and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
