I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
