Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
