I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
bring money and cleavage
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
