Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
