Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
