Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
