hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
as a side note pls kill me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
