Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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