I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
