Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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