Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just had sex bonerless
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize