I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
