dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
