We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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