dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
