I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
