standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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