She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
