oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
