Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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