I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
