Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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