Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize