hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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