I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
