He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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