This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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