yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
