so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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