They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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