Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
