you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I want her autograph on my taint
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
