I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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