Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
