Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
