There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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