The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
