when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
