it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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