I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
