happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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