HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
