I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
