he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
