Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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