He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
