Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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