I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
