i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
