just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
