i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I need a burrito and a hug.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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