I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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