normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
