I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
