yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize