He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sobbing to NWA
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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