you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
