I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
BRING THE BAGELS
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
