Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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