So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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