Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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